The Scary Blind Date

Have you ever been on a blind date? No, not the kind with a seeing eye dog, but a date that a friend (who usually ends up as a former friend) has set up for you because they think they have found the perfect mate for you? (Pam, if you are reading this it is not about the many that you set me up with. Those were not dates. I consider them practical jokes.)

This is a true story without embellishment – does not need any.  The names were not changed to protect the innocent. I do not remember who set up this date. It is said that when you have a traumatic experience you tend to forget much of it.  All I remember about the name of the date is that his last name was Lynn. He was a former neighbor and I vaguely remember his younger sister who was a few years ahead of me in school. Our planned date was for dinner out and a Casa Manana play.

He arrived about half an hour late and looked frazzled. He said he had lost his car keys and was driving his old farm truck. I told him I knew about farm trucks and did not mind riding in one.  I was wrong.

The year of this date was somewhere around 1975. The truck was about 25 years old at that time, white in places, and had demolition derby characteristics. Not so bad, huh? Oh…but wait! The passenger side door panel had been removed in order for a rope to be looped through part of the door frame. The other end of the rope was tied to the steering wheel. This rigging was to hold the door closed, and I assumed, attached to the rest of the truck. I reluctantly climbed in the driver side door. Dinner was involved. I was hungry.  Farm Truck Lynn instructed me to hold the rope, tightly, as he removed one end of it from the steering wheel, so that he could drive. I asked him what he did when he was driving alone and he said he tied it to his seat belt. At this point I should have just said, “Let’s do this some other time,” but I did not, I was determined to enjoy dinner and a play. I was optimistic, or just stupid.

Do you remember the Bonanza Steak Houses? They were the blue collar cafeteria style steak houses that catered mainly to the lunch crowds, older folks, young families, and were inexpensive. Farm Truck Lynn had a 2-for-1 coupon. 

At Casa Manana we were informed there was a delay due to a stage malfunction. The stage at Casa Manana was rotund and rotated during plays.  I do not remember the play we were there to see (trauma forgetfulness). The delay was long enough that I had to go pee twice, so it must have been about an hour wait.  The play started and about forty-five minutes into it the stage blew a fuse, or a hundred thousand, and the show was cancelled.  Farm Truck Lynn was disappointed but I was not; the theme from the TV show Bonanza had begun galloping through my stomach and I was ready to go home. 

It was about eleven o’clock when we pulled into my apartment parking lot and the rope burn on my right hand was beginning to sting. Farm Truck Lynn turned off the truck engine, placed both hands on the steering wheel, bowed his head and said, “Lord, please forgive me for what I am about to do.”

This was probably the first time, maybe the only time, that I was not a typical dumb blonde.  I dropped the rope, kicked open the door and ran for the hills. I did not look back to see if the truck door stayed attached. I made it inside my apartment and bolted the door. He banged on my door for awhile and said he just needed a drink. I hollered to go home to get it. After a few minutes the elderly man living next door opened his door and said, “Son, I think it’s time you go on home. Now.”  Farm Truck Lynn left.  I never heard from him again but always kept a close watch out for his truck while I lived in that apartment.

I had one more blind date that was a bad one where I was not able to get home as quickly as I wanted. (Pam, this one was the last one of your practical jokes.)  To this day, I will meet a first time date at our destination so that I know I have safe transportation home when I am ready to go home. I do not worry about them following me home because I cannot see to drive at night and I get lost a lot. A twenty minute drive can take two hours to complete. It is also probably why I very seldom have a second date. Damn.