Eyebrow Disaster

I had a bad head cold, was heavily medicated, sleep deprived, and decided to dye my eyebrows.

I am a natural blonde with invisible eyebrows. I do not care for the drawn-on look, so I boost their color with Just For Men / Mustache and Sideburn Dye. I always buy the medium blonde dye which gives the brows just the right natural shade of  light brown. I use an old mascara wand to apply the dye, and although I am a blonde, to fairly bushy eyebrows. When applying the dye, I usually catch some fuzz, above the brows, that is not visible when I am not wearing my glasses. I then, delicately, ‘shape’ the brows after the dying is complete.

I had a bad head cold, was heavily medicated, sleep deprived and applied eyebrow dye at midnight.

Never trust that the contents of a box of dye are what the outside of the box declares. I applied the dye and read a novel, which had me captivated, while waiting for the dye to set. I lost track of time. When I washed the dye off and looked in the mirror…well…let’s just say that crazed wailing began and snot was soon slinging!

The box did not contain the light brown shade I wanted. I now sported a dark brown, almost black, caterpillar, a forehead mustache, a unibrow! Some moron must have thought it would be cute to switch the dye in the boxes. I used hydrogen peroxide, Clorox, 409 and Mean Green to lighten the color. All that did for me was to give me a shiny red forehead. I had to start the shaping process.

In my drugged, sleep deprived, state, I had managed to catch every wild hair and forehead fuzz along with, what I considered, the actual eyebrows. I started plucking at the bottom side of the unibrow and worked my way up. I plucked to the forehead fuzz and through, what I thought, was the center of the unibrow. When I finished I had a shiny red forehead and an off centered look of surprise on my face. The ‘new’ eyebrows sat much higher than the old set and the right brow sat too far to the right. I wailed all night.

The next day at work I kept my head down, as much as possible, and did not fraternize with my co-workers. I attended a meeting and sat in the back of the room, hoping I was invisible. But noooooo, I was called to the podium, to be presented with an award, and had to give an acceptance speech; I don’t even remember what I said. All I can be sure of is that whatever I said, it was with a total look of surprise on my face!

As I left the podium I kept my head down. I noticed, as I walked back to my seat, that my left big toe was sticking, prominently, through the toe of my pantyhose. On the toenail was a large, dark brown splat, of eyebrow dye. I could not have looked more surprised than I already did.  

It’s not easy being me.