Do you remember the joy of summer, running barefoot every day, and not even thinking about the first day of school? Do you remember how your new shoes hurt on the first day of school after spending the summer shoeless? I am facing the same ‘hurt’ after being unemployed for sixty-plus days, except my time off was spent braless. As a youngster it is a fleeting issue of discomfort, your feet conform quickly to change. When age and gravity become involved, there is no going back. Yes, I am talking about boobs.
Preparing to return to work, I decided I would spend my Monday holiday dressed as I would for the office; I begin my new job on Wednesday. Dragging me behind a horse, over cactus, fire ant beds, and miles of sharp boulders and rocks, could not have been more uncomfortable than putting on my bra! I have heard people say that their muscles scream in pain after a good workout. Well, my boobs not only screamed; they fought back!
The great boob roundup started innocently enough. I chose the ‘perfect’ bra and began the process of putting it on. Lifting, separating, and corralling, what has been free range for a couple of months, became a wrestling match, comparable only to catching greased pigs on crack. Plan B led to a ‘less than perfect’ bra and the process began all over. After letting the shoulder straps out, as far as they would adjust, I was able to lasso the right boob, and then, after standing on my head, the left one, and turned to look in the bathroom mirror. I am pretty sure, that when your arms are hanging straight to your side, your boobs are not supposed to hang lower than your elbows! I began to adjust the shoulder straps to lift my boobs to at least be even with the bend of my arms. All of the adjusting just hiked the back of the bra to the base of my neck, which would rule out wearing collarless blouses. The front did not budge. I was hot, sweaty, tired, and afraid to take off the garment from hell. I envisioned getting up at 3 a.m., for the morning roundup, in order to be in the office by 8. I slept in the bra.
I still have one more day to prepare for returning to work. Today, I am attempting pantyhose.
It's funny how times change. I remember the days I would beg to wear a bra with the must-have white blouse, leaning forward on my elbows at my desk so people would KNOW I had one on!!! I was going to say school desk but the truth is I did this at my work desk, too! I hated shopping for bras in the beginner bra section when I was in my 20's......now I'm pulling them out from under my armpits!!
ReplyDelete