The following is the second installment of a GPS system that I have designed. I really, really want to be the new voice of GPS systems. If you know of how/where to apply for this job please email me. This one is for the married male driver.
Thank you for using GBSPS for your driving experience.
This navigation system has been pre-programmed by your wife; not that you will listen.
Please enter the address of your destination. Please, just do it for me.
Thank you.
Please enter the freeway in exactly one mile. You will proceed north for exactly 15 miles before exiting.
You are following that car too close.
Slow down.
You are making me nervous.
Just go around him if you think he is too slow.
You know I don’t like it when you drive so fast.
This is not funny.
Watch where you are going!
You are making me nervous.
I should have listened to my mother.
Slow down!
The radio is too loud.
Use your blinker when you pass – that’s what it’s for.
I can see the mole on that man’s neck – you are following too close!
If you love me you will slow down.
You are driving too fast!!!
I’m going to drive us home.
Mother never liked you, you know.
Look out – that car in front of us is using their brakes!
Will you please pay attention to the road?
You never listen to me anymore.
Please take the next exit and turn right at the next intersection.
Slow down!
Now you’ve done it! You missed our exit!
Please take the next exit and make a u-turn under the bridge and re-enter the freeway.
We are going to be late.
Please take the next exit and turn left under the bridge and then right at the next intersection.
Do NOT drive faster!
We’re late. We are always late!
I hate being the last to arrive.
It’s so embarrassing.
If you plan to arrive for the early church service, you need to start praying now because you just missed your exit, again.
You never listen.
You are now entering the silent treatment of your driving experience. Any further directions will be given telepathically; as if you would listen.
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